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Before sunrise

Updated: Oct 2, 2018

I open my eyes and for the first time in a very long time, I’m not greeted by the sunlight or the pretty sound of birds warbling. I glance at the clock and find out it’s only 5:00 AM, two hours before the alarm goes off. The sky is still black, longing for the light to break free so the day can start. Me on the other hand prefer the darkness before sunrise. It’s the best time of day, when the rest of the world is asleep and I only have myself as company. Many people would disagree on this, being the only one awake. The thing is, i’m a thinker. I often disappear in my own thoughts and create a personal space that I don’t want to leave. In the light of day, this becomes more problematic and I have to prioritize being present. Many times I feel judged for not paying enough attention, like I’m too absent. When I was fourteen, I experienced walking to far in a mindset of feeling inadequate and I had a hard time finding my way back. Eventually I saw a glimpse of a certain light, showing me the way to a more peaceful stage of life. During this time I realized that being absent is an inescapable quality of mine and I just have to face it. Therefore, I value the time before sunrise a bit more than others, because waking up before nature itself gives me some time to be isolated in my own bubble without being interrupted. Now all I’m going to do is putting on a TV-show, drifting away in thoughts and reflecting on life. I wonder, was it a hidden urge of self care that woke me up this early or was it just faith? I guess I'll never know.

Here’s a sample of many texts yet to come! I’m not always going to be this serious, but I had a moment of inspiration so I just kept on writing. To be honest, I couldn’t stop my fingers from tapping on the keyboard, I was obsessed.

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